Balance is a dirty word!

I get asked all of the time by well-meaning people…

How do you balance working as a mom?

I stare back at them with a WTF look on my face and say “um, I don’t.”

There is never a time in my life where I have kept all of the plates spinning for more than a second or maybe two before they all come crashing down.

Honestly, perfect balance is impossible.

There are times when you the weight shifts more heavy on work and then your parenting or family time has to pay the price.

That’s ok.

It’s normal.

Or maybe it’s like me this summer where my work has paid the price because I needed to spend more time with my kids and on traveling.

You can never be all things to all people and your attention has to go where it’s needed.

Some plates are going to drop.

Just think about it.

As a mom, society tells us that we are supposed to run every aspect of the house (cooking, cleaning, groceries, laundry, and about a million other things), every thing with the kids (childcare, doctor visits, sports, PTA, teachers, homework, playdates, bday parties, gifts, holidays, etc).

Oh and keep yourself in shape and look presentable.

And if you work you are supposed to do well at your job, take care of every that I just mentioned plus have dinner on the table every night.

This is bullshit!

The demands are overwhelming and impossible to keep up with. So stop.

There might be times when we feel like superheros and can actually keep it all up but it is short lived and unsustainable.

Unless you have a full time housekeeper, private chef, nanny, personal assistant and personal trainer.

Balance is a ridiculous notion. And I want you to stop trying so hard to attain it.

You know, I don’t ever see men getting asked this question about how they balance their work with kids.

Kristina Kuzmic did a video about this where she interviewed dads outside of a store and asked them that question. It was hilarious…check it out here.

By the end of the video she says that “balance” should be a dirty word and then she bleeps it out of the rest of her video. It’s great.

I want to talk about this today because school is about to start and all of the PTA, sports, volunteering, school projects, school activities, 18 million commitments are about to start.

And then we start comparing ourselves to all of the other moms and can start feeling inadequate or like we suck as a mom.

Look, I used to be a Pinteresty person and then I became a mom and wanted to be that Pinteresty mom but that lasted all of 3 years before I totally burnt out.

I realized that those over the top decorated theme parties were a ridiculous waste of my time.

My kids didn’t care that I had spent 4 hours creating Star Wars themed food menu complete with themed names printed out for the food table.

That didn’t include the next 3 hours of making that said food. You know red, blue and green dipped pretzel sticks that I called lightsabers or cookies that I decorated as Chewy.

Finally, I realized I wasn’t doing for them I was doing it to say look how awesome I can make a party and to feel like I was winning as a mom. Which was crazy.

Maybe this is your thing and this is what lights you then great and more power to you that is awesome!

But for me it took away time that I already felt short on and I became a stress ball trying to get it all done.

Now, I can plan my kids party in about an hour.

Did your jaw just drop?

Ok, real quick this is what I do now.

Have your kid tell you what theme they want! Paw Patrol, pirates, princesses, whatever. As they get older this gets easier. They don’t want crazy themed parties. This last bday for my now 8 yr-old was super simple. He wanted to take 8 friends to a hibachi dinner. So that’s what we did.

Pick a date that works for you and the venue that you are choosing (if needed).

Go on Etsy and order the themed invite or just set up an evite (that’s what I do now).

Jump on Amazon and order themed paper products, decor and a favor.

Decide on food. Go easy like pizza, chick-fil-a or anything else premade. Plus if you can already put the order in then that’s a win too. One more thing off of your plate.

And choose your sweet – cake or donuts (our family fave) or cookies or macaroons or ice cream.

If you have an ice cream truck that regularly visits your neighborhood, stop them one day and ask if the they can make a special appearance at your party and by everyone an ice cream. This happened by chance at my 4 yr-olds party and it was the biggest hit.

Simple decor is best.

Have fun! Take pics! And enjoy the day. Don’t stress over the small stuff that only you notice.

Or maybe I learned this lesson the time I volunteered to cut 1000 scarecrow feet and hands for my kindergartener’s school hallway.

Yep. 1000. At the time, I was working full time in my biz and had 3 year old and a 1-year-old. What the hell was I thinking?

I spent almost 5 ½ hours cutting tan construction paper. Seriously. WTF.

I felt so behind and like I wasted my entire work time cutting paper.

Only to find out that there was a waiting list for other moms that were looking for ways that they could help out.

And it wasn’t like I wasn’t involved at his school already.

I was the PTA membership chair.

I was doing my part. Lol.

At the time, I was the type of person that will be the first one to help.

I’d offer to do it all.

Well, not anymore. It’s been a hard habit to break but it’s been so worth it.

Now, I let other people help out too.

Don’t get me wrong if there is a need that they can’t fill I will help but I’m just not the first one to raise my hand.

The message I’m trying to get across today is that it’s ok to let some things slide while you focus on other things.

There is never going to be a balance.

I only get as much done as I do because I have help.

I have housekeeping once a week, I have full time childcare, I use Instacart for my groceries, Amazon Prime for almost everything else and I still feel like things are crazy and I’m not able to keep up.

As moms, we just need to embrace the chaos and know that we are amazing moms, spouses, friends and business owners.

We need to let go of idea of being perfect.

We need to ask for and accept help whenever it’s offered.

I just started this and it’s magical.

Whenever anyone asks me if they can help with the kids, take a kid for a playdate or my parents say they can come up and help – I say yes.

I used to feel bad or guilty or like I should go be there with them.

I’m a work in progress but it has been this is life changing.

We need to find the fun. This time with our kids is short lived. They will be grown up and gone before we know it.

I don’t know about you but I want to look back at their childhood and know that I had fun with them, I showed them that it’s ok to have a interests and passions outside of our family and that I taught them to be self sufficient, kind humans.

Sometimes we stand in our own way and let the control freak in us take over.

It’s ok and necessary to let you husband or in laws help with the kids and do it in their own way.

As long as they love your kids and are competent humans, the kids will survive.

I have a friend that is terrified to let her husband, the father of the kids, watch them alone for more than a couple of hours for fear that he won’t pay attention and something bad will happen.

I’ve told her that this is ridiculous and that she needs to let him father his kids.

Because we train the people around us to behave in the way that do when they are around us.

Now, she has taught him that he doesn’t know what he’s doing as a parent and that she will always take care of everything.

So because of this need to be in control she is trapped and can never do anything on her own and he never helps with anything.

This same thing applies to teaching your kids to be self-sufficient.

Whatever age they are, start letting them do things for themselves.

Getting dressed, putting socks and shoes on, bathing or showering, getting breakfast or snacks, helping with chores around the house like laundry, taking the trash out, doing the dishes or tidying up.

These are all great things for them to do even if they don’t do it exactly the way you would do it.

This will be hard but so worth it.

Embrace the chaos!

Know that you are amazing and loved and that everything is going to be ok.

I promise, the more we let go of the idea of balance and embrace the chaos the more joy and happiness we will find in our lives.

Accountability = Success

If you do have big goals and dreams for your online business and you want to set up a solid strategy to get you there don’t forget I have strategy calls and accountability packages. You can check them out over at MommysHomeOffice.com.

Have a great week and I’ll catch you in the next episode.

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